Make some pie charts Elizabeth Kubler Ross is an expert on grief. According to her work, the accepted first stage of grief, generally, is denial. The second phase, as I recall, is anger. I keep waiting for these to happen. It has been many years though, and at this point, while I know I can look up the other three stages, and that some include mourning and sorrow, and guilt, they still, years later, seem irrelevant to my personal and professional situation, because it is all somehow blocked; the whole process feels oddly inaccessible to me because I keep failing to understand the awful cruelty that I never, ever deserved. In certain circumstances known as traumatic losses, Ms. Ross hypothesizes that the first stage isn't actually denial. Sometimes, we can't even begin to grieve because the trauma or injury isn't comprehensible. There are various circumstances where this could be possible: maybe it was somehow hidden from us what happ...